Friday, January 28, 2011

Project 365...Day 27...STARBS on me and mommy guilt...

Remember my post about having a bad day earlier in the week??? WEEEEELLLLL...

Yesterday, in the mail, I got the sweetest smiley face note of encouragement and a $5 gift card to Starbucks. This was from someone who isn't that close to me, more of a friend in passing and I know she wouldn't mind me telling you that. We run into each other at school and the Y and always have something to talk about. What a beautiful spirit she has. I have been inspired. THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH, JULIE. YOU ROCK!! :-)

Here is another weird looking self portrait. I decided to go this route b/c this is the first day this week my hair hasn't been up in a ball cap.


Onto "mommy guilt". The mornings in our home are chaotic. I'm just being honest. If I was more organized, maybe they wouldn't be. After we got in the car this morning, I told Copeland to get out his reading story and read it again on the way to school. Instead of doing what I asked, he smarted off to me that he had to put on his shoes and some other garbage back-talk.

I'll save you the details of the rest of the car ride of punishments, crying, more taking-away-of-privileges, more sassy mouth...and so on, and so forth.

At one time, the following came out of his mouth,
"You are the meanest mom in the world and I wish I didn't live in this house."

Really, honestly, that doesn't hurt. I don't mind being "mean"...BUT WHAT HE DIDN'T YET REALIZE... was that he'd started a competition with me. I had to win. I'm not proud of that...just being real here.

At this point, I was so fired up from all the other jazz, I came back at him with,
"Well, C, I'm sure I could arrange for your transport to XYZ country where the kids have to walk 30 miles a day for their water and sleep on roach infested floors." Yes, I did spout that nonsense.

The morning did not end well and I hate sending my kids into school unhappy.

So, all day I have worried about this...worried that I was too hard on him... Because, NO DOUBT, I should have handled things better.

I wish there was a backspace button in my life...MUST get over it and move on.

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God." 1 John 4:7

***I am not a writer, so don't be too hard on me. ;-)***


Regina said...

I love your honesty! I hate dropping Caleb off at school on the wrong foot too. I'm constantly feeling like I could have handled things better! You are such a funny girl and I always look forward to reading your blog.

Erika said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you! For posting this. Sometimes I see photos of other people and their children and I think, wow, they have it together and are so happy. I bet their kid never talks back. The other night before Peyton's soccer practice, he was in a mood and started spouting, "I'm so horrible." over and over again very dramatically. Finally, I said, "You're right! You are horrible, that's why you need to go to practice." Sometimes, you just can't take the drama. God love em.

Kristi said...

I agree. I look at so many other mothers and wonder if they ever have a bad day with their kids! It is reasuring to know that we all have "those days". Fortunately, our kids love us and forgive us!

Anna Berry said...

We have the same thing in our house and car ride to school many mornings and I always know that it's me making a bigger deal out of it then it really is. I'm so glad to know I'm not alone in that awful, guilty feeling afterwards when we have to think about it all day while they're at school...and they're probably forgetting about the whole argument!

Julie Owen said...

Ok, so you are normal! We've all done that and worse! We all have our days, kids and glad you enjoyed your treat...recently Macy Kate "packed her bags" and cried at the end of the driveway for a while (with her suitcase). She said it was because her brothers are so mean to her and that I didn't care about her. I figured the neighbors were soon to call DHR so after about 15 minutes of her sitting in the cold crying her eyes out, with no coat, I opened the front door and told her to get her tail in the house. That was the end of that. See you aren't alone :). Hang in there!

Nancy said...

My sweet Jenny is 31 and I still remember moments I wish I could recall. Blessedly, she doesn't remember them :)
Take heart, this stage will pass. And then they'll be teenagers ;)