Tuesday, February 1, 2011

YMCA freaks...project 365 to come later...

OK, people, I am alternating between laughing and crying here...literally.

David and I have been going to the Y together in the mornings. I've been working out at this Y for years(when I am being diligent)so most of the people there are familiar.

There is this man(who is always there)...old enough to be my dad...but not old, whom I chat with on occasion. Nice man, super sweet wife.

Act One Scene One

I am at the mirrors doing bicep curls and David is running on the treadmill.

I truly cannot remember what took place in the conversation prior to the "judgement".

Man, "smalltalksmalltalksmalltalk."

Me, "smalltalksmalltalksmalltalk."

Man, "so, you've got someone coming with you in the mornings now."

Me, "yeah, it's nice."

Man pauses...

I wait while he forms his next thought...


Me, "pardon?" (cough, choke, cough, choke) INSERT "I WILL SURVIVE" lyrics in my head.

Man pauses again.

Me, barely audible, "uh, nooooosir, he's my husband."

Man clearly realizes his misapprehension.

Man realizes he needs to say something b/c my mouth is gaping open and I cannot form a word.

Man, trying to redeem himself, "Uh, well, the couple that works out together, stays together."

Me, as I'm putting my headphones back in my ears so I don't have to give an audience this conversation anymore, "haha, yup."



I immediately put the weights down and sat on the floor to stretch b/c I could not stand. I felt this bubble of laughter present itself in my stomach but I pushed it back down so I wouldn't look like a fool. I tried to smile at him a few times to let him know I would not be chasing him down with a machete.

Then, I lowered my head and set my fingers to work. I texted all my close friends b/c I needed assurance RIGHT THEN AND THERE that this man was FREAKIN(sorry mom) CRAZY.

Guess what? Immediately, four sisters replied with,
"SPECIAL NEEDS" (not trying to offend anyone here.)

Thankfully, David was off the treadmill at this point and I snatched him up and said,
"I've got to tell you something INSANE, but we have to get out of here first." I grabbed a cup of coffee and hollered in my best grandama voice, "son, bring me my cane...I can't seem to get past this door jamb." No, I didn't.

We joked all the way home about it...about how I should have said,
"Yessir, I birthed him when I was 4 months old. (I am 4 months older than him) and we don't know who the father is, might be someone from the neighboring bassinet in the hospital nursery. It was a hard delivery, but the doctors helped me through it."

I called my bud, Ashley, b/c I knew she would pee in her pants(sorry again, mom), but got her husband instead...he's a funny guy...had to tell him. His comback was that David should have come up and planted a big one on me and said, "mom likes it when I kiss her like that." Eww, but it made me laugh...even harder.

...and then, I boohooed a little more b/c, REALLY?? I DO NOT DRESS LIKE MAW MAW AT THE Y.

My "SON" and I had a great time at the beach over Christmas for our 13th Anniversary. Project 365 to come later...

al and dave


Bridget said...

Are you kidding me? Hilarious, but you are so cute and always looking stylish. I think people just don't think some times!


Tara said...

This is hysterical! And something you will laugh about for years. The same happened to my MIL when she and my FIL were out somewhere many years ago. And they still have a good laugh!

But for the record, you look younger than David! You look great!

Julie Owen said...

REALLY? I'm sorry but is he senile? No really, is he right in the mind? You have the face of a BABY! So youthful looking...let's just promise ourselves right now that when we get "older" we will NEVER open our mouth if there is a chance something this absurd could come out..k, k!

Brittany said...

Allison, this is just too funny! BUT, there is NO way you even look remotely old enough for David to be your child! You really don't even look old enough for your own kids ;)! Wanna know something just as bad/gross though? A couple years ago my dad and I were out at lunch and when paying I noticed a picture of the waitresses son in her tab book. I said "Dad, look at how cute that baby is." The waitress said, "DAD?" She thought we were there "together."
Flattering for my dad, absolutely horrible and embarrassing for me.

Louise said...

Oh my word!!! I can't believe this guy!!! And this post completely cracked me up because you apologized to your mom at all the places it sounds like we would apologize to our mom!!! :)

Anna Berry said...

The summer before I started high school I went on vacation with my dad somewhere to the beach. At one point while we were there, someone thought I was his girlfriend. Fast forward to about 6 months after I had Ashley and we were getting family pics done with him, my sister, me and Ashley...the photographer thought I was married to my dad and not only my 6 month old's mother, but my own sister's mom!!

SuzyQ said...

That is too funny! For the record, I think you look great not at all like a woman who should have a thirty something child. I have enjoyed reading your post.